I’m sad and distraught.
I’m angry and frustrated.
My world has become dark.
It’s almost as if hope has departed somehow.
How can I find hope again?
When a close, painful loss strikes, a domino effect of change begins.
The initial loss spawns many others. Like ocean waves, the unwanted changes just keep rolling in.
We have no control over these waves. Each wave is different. Some are stronger than others. Some we can see coming, while others surprise us.
After a while, fatigue sets in and exhaustion is not far behind. All of life becomes about somehow surviving in this new ocean we find ourselves in.
The world around us looks the same, but inside we know that everything is different. Happiness and joy have fled and appear to be things of the past. Life is now heavy. Our world feels empty and dark.
Hope can seem to have disappeared.
When our sense of hope fades, other things immediately invade and attempt to fill the vacancy. Depression and despair come knocking.
We acknowledge what’s happening inside us. “Hope seems to have been taken from me.” “Hope appears to have left.” “It feels like hope has abandoned me.”
The key words in the above statements are “seems,” “appears,” and “feels like.” Just like “I feel alone” and “I am alone” are two different things, so “My sense of hope seems to be gone” and “Hope is no more” are vastly different.
The truth is that hope is always here. There are times, however, when we don’t have eyes to see it. Our minds, hearts, and even souls – all our internal real estate – are being gobbled up by loss and grief. Our vision is blurred at present.
Even if we think there is no hope for us, we will readily admit that there’s hope for other people. So somewhere deep down, we know that hope is there. It just doesn’t seem to be available for us at the moment.
At some point, it’s wise to ask ourselves, “What is my hope in anyway?” We all tend to place hope in someone or something. A spouse, a parent, a child, a friend, etc. A job, money, our health, our abilities, etc. We naturally place at least some of our hope in our situations, circumstances, and relationships. The downside is that when any of these things are threatened or taken from us, our sense of hope takes a nosedive.
Over 3000 years ago, wise King Solomon said, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” When hope is delayed somehow, our hearts tend to plummet. When our sense of hope is strong, we thrive inside.
If your sense of hope has taken a hit, take heart that this is a common experience for those on the grief journey. Even though you can’t perceive it like you once did, hope is still there. As you process your grief in healthy ways, it’s likely your sense of hope will return.
Affirmation:
I’ll remember the truth that hope is always there, though my pain and grief may blind me to its presence. I’ll do what I can to process this loss in healthy ways and trust my sense of hope will return over time.
Suggestions:
A temporary perception that hope has fled is common following a heavy, close loss. Here are a few tips that might help you navigate this:
- Consider writing down some of what you hoped for that you now consider to be impossible or highly unlikely. Be as spe- cific as possible. Identifying your “lost hopes” more specifically can help you grieve these great disappointments.
- Think about the world and people around you. What do people you know tend to put their hope in? What do you think they hope for? Write these down. Are these “hopes” permanent or temporary? Do the things we tend to put our hope in last forever, or are they only for a time? Most of what we hope for (or put our hope in) is fragile and temporary.
- Wise King Solomon also said, “God has placed eternity in the human heart; yet we do not understand the beginning from the end.” We long for a forever good – for a life that isn’t marred by trouble, pain, and loss. Do you sense this longing for something more, something eternal, deep within you? If so, what will you do with that longing?
Don’t be afraid to look deep inside. We all have things hidden within that we are reluctant to address. Your heart is your most valuable possession. Take good care of your heart.
Excerpt from The Grief Guidebook: Common Questions, Compassionate Answers, Practical Suggestions.
Question: Has finding hope been hard for you in your grief process? Please feel free to share by leaving a comment below:
