Where is God in all this?
Yes, I know He’s with me. He’s with everyone.
He’s everywhere. He can do anything.
He cares for me.
I know all these things, but somehow, I don’t feel them.
I wonder if I feel much of anything.
I guess I’m still angry with Him. Or perhaps I just don’t understand.
I know I’m holding back. I feel like I’m distancing my heart from Him.
Either that or He’s disappeared on me like everyone else.
I want to know why this happened. If God would tell me why, then perhaps I could let this go.
Maybe then I could see the good that comes out of it somehow.
Right now, I see no good at all.
Yes, I’m still angry with Him.
Thank you for being honest and sharing your heart. Thank you for expressing your grief openly. For most of us, the pain of the loss causes us to question things, even God Himself.
And yes, many of us distance ourselves from God in our confusion and pain. We hunger to understand. We feel we need to understand. Like anything else in life, when we need to know something, we ask an expert. God is the expert on all things, so we naturally bring our questions to Him.
If we sense silence, it hurts. We can feel like He doesn’t care. We can feel more alone, more devastated.
Keep being honest with Him. Though you might pull away from Him, He will never pull away from you. Express your heart. Be real. Grieve.
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5)
Lord, you feel far away. I’m angry, and I don’t know what to think. I fear my heart is shutting down. Help.
Excerpt from Grief Walk: Experiencing God After the Loss of a Loved One. Grief Walk is part of the God and Grief Series.
