Decision-making is normally a challenge for grieving hearts. Over the holidays, making decisions can be overwhelming or seem impossible.

In my previous email, we talked about the importance of managing our expectations over the holidays – the expectations we have of ourselves and others.

One key way of managing expectations is by making some proactive decisions.

Here are some quick suggestions…

Don’t let others make decisions for you.

They are not inside your mind and heart. They cannot fully understand what you’re feeling and experiencing. They don’t know what is helpful to you and what’s not.

Grieving hearts often feel like victims. After all, we didn’t ask for or want this. Letting others make decisions for you can lead to feeling powerless and helpless.

Tell yourself, “I get to decide.”

You get to decide what to do, how, when, where, and with whom.

Scary? Yes. Good? Yes.

What do you want to do? How do you want to do it? Where do you want to go? Whom do you want to be around?

What’s realistic for you?

I think of Solomon’s words from 3000 years ago, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the spring from which the rest of your life flows” (Proverbs 4:23).

What would “guarding your heart” look like over the holidays?

Handle invitations well.

When an invitation comes, you get to decide. Don’t let the past or a sense of obligation make the decision for you.

Ask yourself, “What would it mean to guard my heart in this situation?”

If you sense you need to say “no”, how you communicate can help you feel better about it.

“Thanks so much for asking me. As you know, I’m grieving the loss of ___________ this year. I’m trying to take care of myself and do less. I hope you’ll understand if I decline this year.”

If you want to say “yes” but wonder how it will turn out, you might say, “I would love to come. I’m grieving, and I might get emotional and have to excuse myself sometimes. Is that okay with you?”

Or perhaps you could say, “Yes, I would like that. As you know, I’m grieving the loss of ________________ and I never know how I’ll feel on any given day. Is it okay if with you if I need to bow out at the last minute?”

Have an exit strategy.

If you decide to accept an invitation or go to an event, guard your heart by having an exit strategy.

For example, if you feel a grief burst coming on you might…

• Take a moment, breathe deeply, and see if you can manage it.
• Excuse yourself to the restroom or another safe, more private place.
• Step outside and take brief walk.
• Excuse yourself and leave.

Thinking through these things can help you feel less vulnerable. You are proactively making decisions to guard your heart.

Don’t let others make decisions for you.

Tell yourself, “I get to decide.”

Handle invitations well.

Have an exit strategy.

Guard your heart. Be kind to yourself. Breathe deeply.

These holidays will be different, but they can still be good.

Until next time…

Questions: Of the four suggestions, which one resonated most with you? What decision-making struggles are you facing these holidays? Feel free to respond by commenting below.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born,and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. (Luke 2:4-7)