As we all know, grieving over the holidays is hard. Difficult. Frustrating. Painful. Fear-producing. Angering. Sad and often depressing.

Underneath all of this, a sneaky holiday saboteur is lurking. This grief-complicator often manages to operate unrecognized and undetected.

You might have already guessed who – or, more accurately, what – this holiday heart-crusher is.

Expectations.

You have expectations of yourself during this holiday season. How you will feel and be. How you will react. What you will do.

You have expectations of other people. How they will be. How they will treat you. What they will do – and won’t do.

You have expectations of the holidays. How they will be. What will or won’t happen. How things will turn out.

Others have expectations of you. How you will be. What you will do.

And almost all of these expectations are operating under the surface – unnoticed, unidentified, and unexpressed.

An expectation has been defined as an invitation to disappointment.

Who needs more disappointment?

Ugh.

What do we do with this?

First, identify your expectations.

What expectations do you have of yourself this holiday season?

Grab a notepad or sheet of paper. Pull out your phone. Make a list.

What do you expect of you? How you will feel. What you will do. How you will behave. What you can do.

Second, identify your expectations of others.

What do you expect of those around you this holiday season?

How they will look at you. How they will relate to you. How much they will support you – or not. What they will say and do. What do you expect they expect of you?

Again, make a list.

Third, evaluate how realistic your expectations are.

Go through your first list – your expectations of yourself. How realistic are they?

Keep in mind that you are grieving. Remember that grief can be overwhelming, all-encompassing, and incredibly draining.

What expectations do you need to modify? Which ones do you need to dump altogether?

Then go though your second list – your expectations of others.

How realistic are these expectations? What needs to change to align these expectations more with reality?

Identifying and managing our expectations is big (massive, huge) for grieving hearts. We’re already hurting. Why add to the pain by letting these sneaky saboteurs go unchecked?

These holidays will be different. They will be emotional and packed full of grief-releasers. Even so, these holidays can still be good.

Grief will surprise us. That’s inevitable. We can, however, guard and protect our hearts from unnecessary upset by unmasking and managing some of our expectations.

Be kind to yourself today. Breathe.

Until next time…

Question: What expectations do you have of yourself and others this holiday season? Are they realistic? Feel free to comment below and share.

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.  (Luke 2:1-4)