I can feel myself slipping backwards.
The pain is driving me to old, unhealthy habits.
These things promise relief, but they’re only quick fixes that never work.
Afterwards, the shame and guilt invade, and I feel worse off than before.
I feel stuck. Trapped.
What can I do?
We all have unhealthy habits back there. Some of us have an entire suitcase full of them.
We all have addictions. These are things we engage in when the stress vice tightens to the point where we feel like we need to escape.
Fear is ultimately behind this. Something has happened that has put us in fight-or-flight mode. Some of us have been hit hard enough that we spend a lot of our lives running from or fighting something.
Here are some of the more common addictions in our world today: alcohol, illegal and prescription drugs, tobacco and nicotine, coffee, gambling, pornography, sex, food, the internet and technology, video games, work, spending, collecting, entertainment, exercise, worry and negative thinking, etc.
Almost anything, even good things, can be used to try and medicate our pain and keep our terrors at bay. Our addictive habits become an unhealthy crutch. They are self-sabotaging coping mechanisms that simply do not work. We might get momentary relief, but the price we pay for it is astronomical. Guilt and shame invade. A sense of failure and worthlessness surface. We get caught in a cycle of slow self-destruction.
Some addictions are more serious than others, of course. But all addictions have their own insidious impact on our hearts, minds, and lives.
As with other challenges on the grief journey, addictions are not something that we can tackle and manage on our own. We need trust-worthy people to walk with us through these deep, dark valleys.
No one is immune from addiction. In fact, we all have them, of one form or another.
If you feel yourself slipping back into old, unhealthy habits, please know that this is common in grief. The stress of loss and all the life changes can easily tip us over into the well-worn ruts of addictive behavior. Accepting what is happening is the first step. Then you can respond rather than continuing to react in self-harming cycles.
Avoid isolating at all costs. Be kind to yourself by reaching out for help and assistance.
Release the guilt and shame. Let go of the illusion of control.
Affirmation:
I’ll be alert about the power of unhealthy habits. I’ll guard my heart by connecting well with people who can walk with me in these dark places.
Suggestions:
Below are some suggestions to consider when unhealthy habits start to exert their influence.
- Reach out for support. Ask yourself, “Who can I contact about this?”
- If you’re not already, strongly consider connecting with an organization that specializes in the addictions and unhealthy habits you find yourself struggling with: Celebrate Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, etc. Check your area for local addiction recovery and support options.
- Consider connecting with a mental health professional who understands addictions and the grief process. An experienced, knowledgeable counselor can be a huge asset during this time.
- When stress goes up, unhealthy habits knock louder. Please don’t try to tackle this on your own. You need good support to stay on the healthy grief path.
Excerpt from The Grief Guidebook: Common Questions, Compassionate Answers, Practical Suggestions.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1, NIV)
Question: Have you slipped back into unhealthy habits since your loss? What has helped you with that? Please feel free to share by commenting below.
