The grief process is an exhausting marathon. One loss often leads to another, and then another. This post, taken from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse, talks about the ongoing, frustrating pressure many grieving hearts feel. No matter what your loss, I’ll bet you can relate to Marlene below…
It’s Surprising How Deep Grief Can Go
“This isn’t what I expected. It’s not getting any easier. In fact, the longer it goes, the harder things seem,” Marlene said.
“I had no idea what I was facing. The reality of Carl’s death is setting in over time. It gets heavier every day.”
Once you begin to grieve, it’s surprising how deep it can go. As time goes on, the extent of your loss begins to sink in. Your spouse was connected to everything in your existence. You’re not enduring just one, but a multitude of losses.
This is why many run from grief. They stuff their emotions and self-medicate. But this only harms them and their relationships.
Grief is real and must be felt. It demands our attention.
Take a moment and look to your heart. Notice what’s there. Acknowledge the emotions.
One of the great lessons of grief is that life can only be lived one moment at a time.
“Everything feels so heavy. You mean even more to me than I knew.”
“(Grief ) is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” — Earl Grollman
Adapted from the award-winning Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse. Watch the brief book video here.
Additional Recommended Resources:
Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Spouse – Amazon
Grief Walk: Experiencing God After Losing a Loved One – Amazon
10 Myths About Grief Most of Us Believe – Belief Net
I just got your book. ” Grief Walk” and it is comforting to know some things I am going thru are normal. I have lost everyone in my immediate family. My son died 3 yrs. ago after struggling with drugs and homelessness. My daughter walked away 6 yrs ago and acts like I do not exist. I am single and old friends shun me, as if it is all my fault. Life is a painful, anxious struggle. I tried to hownload, Crisis but cant find it on my phone. Please pray for me!
Hi Sheri. I’m so sorry about these losses – huge, painful, and devastating. Life is a struggle, as you said. Please be kind to yourself. And hopefully you received another copy of CRISIS by now. Praying for you now, Sheri….
It is hard when You loss a love one I loss my husband of 38 years last year. every day is a struggle for me
Hi Sheila. I’m so sorry about your husband. 38 years. Oh my. No wonder every day is a struggle Everything is different now. Please be kind to yourself. I hope you have someone where you are that you can share freely with. We all need healthy people to vent to and confide in. Please feel free to reach out here any time, Sheila…
I lost my husband of 30 years this past November. I struggle everyday with it. Some days are worse than others, covid doesn’t help….feeling lonely and isolated. Counseling has helped a bit. Just need to learn how to deal with life as it is now and not how it used to be.
Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry about your husband. You’re right – grief itself can be lonely and isolating, even without all this pandemic mess. I’m glad counseling has been helpful. And you’re right again – on some level, we need to accept where we are at the moment – our emotions, questions, frustrations, etc. – and accept ourselves as we are in the moment. Over time, the loss settles in, and the grief begins to change. Thanks again for sharing.
Yes, ever since my husband died in Feb. of this year I find myself getting deeper into my grief and feeling his loss as the biggest void in my life I have ever experienced. I miss everything about him and it’s not getting easier but harder to live without him. I know we will be together again some day but how do I live in the meantime without him and all the beautiful memories that scream he is not here any more.
Hi Lucia. Thanks for sharing this. Yes, even “beautiful memories” can be source of pain. Down the road, the same memories will bring smiles instead of just sadness. But that’s down the road. Right now, the grief is intense, and that makes sense. He was your husband, partner, mate, soulmate. I’m so sorry. Please be very patient with yourself. And please keep reaching out…
This month will mark the fourth year my Mike has been gone. It seems like only yesterday. How I wish he were here with me but I don’t want him to suffer anymore either. Yes, some days are worse than others. Thank goodness I have great family support.
Hi Karen. Thank you for sharing. Those “anniversaries” can be so hard. Our hearts know and remember, even years and years later. I’m so sorry about Mike. I too am grateful you have great family support – that can make such a huge difference. Breathe deeply. Take your heart seriously. And please reach out anytime. Blessings to you, Karen…
Every day you are reminded of something that you would be doing if he were still here, that triggers other things that you will never get to do together, again. The unfulfilled plans,dreams, all gone. I have tried doing a few things, it was not fun and did not fulfill the dreams we made together.
Hi Betty. Thanks for sharing this. You are so right. Every day is like an emotional minefield. You never know what might trigger what. Everything seems to remind us of them. And the losses just keep coming – things we would have done, could have done, will never do, etc. I’m so sorry. Please be very kind to yourself. This is so, so hard. And please feel free to share here any time. Blessings to you, Betty…
I miss John everyday. I tell him that and also how much I will always miss and love him. I hope that he hears me. I never thiught that this would be so hard. I know that he is better off now as he was in so much emotional and physical pain. He was so frustrated that he could not do the things he used to do. I tell myself that God took him when the time was right but i still miss him everyday. I know i can and will go on but it is so hard without him.
Hi Sally. I’m so sorry about John. Thank you for sharing a little about him. Of course, you miss him desperately. How could you not? Love endures. God puts people together, and when death comes, a heart-tearing occurs. And it hurts like nothing else. Please be kind to yourself and patient with yourself, Sally. I’m praying for you now…