Is grief misinformation a thing?
Yes. Yes, indeed.
Most of us have bought into quite a few myths about grief and the grief journey.
Somewhere down the line, we developed some ideas about how the grief process goes – or should go. Once we experienced a major loss, however, we began to discover we were wrong about a lot of things.
I’ll be honest. I don’t like the word myth when it comes to grief. Perhaps because in my mind the word myth is too, well, nice.
For example, one basic definition for myth in this context is a popular belief that is false.
Obviously, just because something is widespread or popular doesn’t mean that it’s true. A myth is false. Misinformation. Or, as one friend of mine (Kathy, from the As I Live and Grieve podcast) said, “Myth-information.”
It could just be me, but I sometimes I think we should call things what they are. A popular belief that is false is a lie.
There are lies about grief we tend to believe.
Lies are not neutral. Lies are harmful. In the grief process, they can be devastating.
Lies can derail us, cause unnecessary distress, add significantly to our pain, throw us into a deep pit and slam the top down over us.
Lies can distract us from healthy grieving. They can be a terrible, destructive influence on our hearts, minds, and bodies.
That’s why I’ll be talking about lies all this month. Last month we focused on anxiety and how to handle it. This month, we’ll be focusing on becoming aware of some of the lies about grief we believe and what to do about them.
We began with a Zoom Virtual Hangout Session this week, where I talked about The Lies We Believe. Registrations for this session set a new record for our Zooms. Apparently, this subject resonates with a lot of us (or we’re at least curious).
I would like to share an article with you that I wrote a while back on this issue: 10 Myths About Grief Most of Us Believe (I wanted to use Lies, but the editors preferred Myths – Arg!).
Please take a look at this article. Read it slowly. If you’re pressed for time, at least notice the 10 brief statements in bold.
As you read through those 10 myths (lies), which ones stood out to you? In other words, which grief lies have you had a tendency to believe?
You’re not alone. Everyone I’ve ever talked with about grief has bought into at least some of these.
How do we battle grief lies?
First, we have to be aware of the lies themselves.
Second, we have to ask ourselves, “If that’s a lie, then what’s the truth?”
Third, we have to begin to replace those lies with the truth.
How we do that?
More on that next time.
Loss is so painful. Grief is super-challenging. Please be patient with yourself.
Question: What myth (lie!) about grief do you tend to struggle with? Feel free to comment and share.
My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow. – Job 17:7
The myth that TIME, heals all wounds, in grief…we are wounded for all time. When a day comes, that is a good day, a memory of a sent Christmas card, a photo of the lost loved one, and the tsunami wave of pain comes crashing around our heart. Time does not heal. At least, not for.me. However, thankfull for Our saviour , who s strength sustains .
Hi Dianne. Thanks for sharing this. Well said. So true. Blessings to you today…
“Grief should be easier for those who believe”
So not true. I am a believer and I know where my husband is . He deserves to be in God’s light. But grief is a selfish thing. It’s all about me. I miss him terribly. We were married for 52 years. He was my lover, my best friend, my hero, my protector, my rock, my champion.And while I am happy that he is at peace , I miss him . I miss him, I miss him.
Hi Patricia. Thanks for sharing this. Yes, we miss them – badly. God created us for relationship with Him and others. In marriage, two become one. When death parts us, we’re naturally torn and feel a bit, or a lot, lost. Thanks again for sharing. Your husband sounds like a truly wonderful man. Blessings to you…
That time heals . This I personally found to be untrue. What I have found is that time teaches us how we handle, hide and learn to live with the grief. It definitely does NOT heal it.
Hi Lisa. Thanks for sharing this. So, so true. And well said about what time does teach us. Please be patient with yourself. Praying for you now…
Grief is learned through experiences. It is not something to get rid of but to learn to carry with us as we will always acknowledge our losses.
Hi Jane. Thanks for sharing this. Yes, indeed. Well said. Blessings to you today…
I see myth as fantasy and whimsical. Yes, a lie is truly and purely false. Be it bold but preferably straight up, I agree to use lie for a lie.
HI Jackie. Thanks for sharing. I agree, we need to be clear and call things what they are. So true. Hope you are doing well. Praying for you now…