Posted Oct 14 2016 by GaryRoe in Abuse Recovery, Anger management, Anxiety, Courageous Living, Death and dying, divorce recovery, Emotional pain, Fear, Grief and Loss, Grief recovery, Healing, Healing from the past, Healing from trauma, Holiday grief, Regret, Relationships, Stress Management, Suffering and Pain, Trauma recovery with 36 Comments
Pain runs deep. Early scars are powerful, and sink into the darkest recesses of the heart. Catastrophic wounds can throw us into survival mode for a while.
No matter how old the wound, with the right trigger, the pain can become incredibly fresh again.
Grief is like that.
Pain Messes with our Sense of Time
“It all seems so strange. I can still see him in his recliner. I still hear him in the kitchen. I dream about him at night,” Ellen said.
“It’s been eleven months, but it feels like yesterday.”
Death, loss, and trauma mess with our sense of time. For a while, it’s like life is in slow motion. Some people have memory gaps – periods of time during their grief or painful experiences that they don’t remember at all.
It can also seem like everything is happening at once, and life is flowing quickly past while we’re standing still. Dazed, we see this activity but it doesn’t seem to register somehow.
Dazed and Confused
Deep wounds have huge shock value. Everything is different now, including our sense of time. Grief and loss are like some weird alternate universe. The whole experience is surreal.
Time has a different meaning now.
Here’s a new grief affirmation:
“Weren’t you here only a moment ago? You seem so close sometimes.”
Grief messes with our sense of time.
Adapted from Heartbroken (Amazon Bestseller, USA Best Book Award Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist).
Posted Oct 1 2016 by GaryRoe in Death and dying, divorce recovery, Emotional pain, Fear, Grief and Loss, Grief recovery, Healing, Healing from the past, Healing from trauma, Holiday grief, Hospice stories, Loneliness, Love, Peace, Suffering and Pain with 0 Comments
Physically, it’s hard to imagine being able to survive with half a heart.
Emotionally, that’s what some wounds and losses feel like.
Gone, Just Like That
“I’m devastated. Half my heart is gone. How does a man live with half a heart?” Robert asked.
“We had tornadoes growing up. One time we were hit hard. I remember the shock afterwards. Our home was gone. Just like that.”
Robert paused and looked at me. “She was my home. Now she’s gone – just like that,” he said.
A Tornado of the Heart
No matter how much time you had to prepare, you may still have that gone-just-like-that feeling. When your loved one took their last breath, your life changed forever. The shock waves hit every part of your life.
You’ve suffered a devastating tornado of the heart.
Half your heart is gone. Perhaps your home has been swept away.
How do you go on? How are you going to rebuild?
As you grieve, the answers will come in their proper time.
Here’s a grief affirmation for today:
“It’s okay if I feel devastated at times. You were my home.”
Tornadoes of the heart can be devastating. You are not alone, though it may feel that way at times.
Breathe deeply. Take your time. Be nice to yourself. Recovery is hard.
“You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Adapted from the bestseller Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Awards Finalist)
Gary Roe has been a campus minister, church-planter in Japan, and pastor in Texas and Washington. He currently serves as a writer, speaker and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley in Central Texas.
He is the author of four books, including Heartbroken (Amazon Bestseller, 2015 National Indie Excellence Award Finalist) and Not Quite Healed (co-authored with New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey, 2013 Lime Award Finalist for Excellence in Non-Fiction). With more than 250 articles in print, he is a popular speaker at a wide variety of venues.
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