Posted Aug 12 2016 by GaryRoe in Abuse Recovery, Courageous Living, Death and dying, divorce recovery, Emotional pain, Faith, Fear, Grief and Loss, Grief recovery, Healing, Healing from the past, Healing from trauma, Holiday grief, Hospice stories, Purpose and meaning, Suffering and Pain, Trauma recovery with 36 Comments
Kids dream. For them, anything is possible.
Then we grow up.
We take some hits. Life doesn’t go the way we planned. We lose – relationships, jobs, opportunities, and people.
The dreams morph over time. Then, well, they mostly disappear. And our broken hearts settle for what is.
When people die, some dreams do too
“My dreams are gone. Anything I thought I wanted to do disappeared. The goals are no more. It was all tied to him,” Renee said.
“I miss the future with him. It’s not there anymore,” she shared.
When Renee’s husband died, her future was turned upside down. Anything they had planned together was erased. Her dreams, hopes, and goals died with him.
Loss is like an earthquake
You know this if you’ve lost someone close: the earthquake hits, and then the aftershocks continue. Collateral damage starts to appear, and can continue to surface for months, even years later.
Then you’re faced with not only the pain, but massive rebuilding. The key is to not be in a hurry. This isn’t a sprint. As you focus on taking care of yourself and healing well, you’ll be able later to handle the challenges of remaking the future – one step at a time.
An affirmation for today:
“My dreams are shattered. I’ll focus on healing well, and retool the future when it’s time.”
Grieving and healing take great courage. You are braver than you realize.
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (Amazon Bestseller, USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist).
Posted Aug 1 2016 by GaryRoe in Death and dying, Depression, divorce recovery, Emotional pain, Grief and Loss, Grief recovery, Healing from the past, Healing from trauma, Holiday grief, Loneliness, Love, Regret, Relationships, Suffering and Pain, Trauma recovery with 0 Comments
When we experience something good, it seems to be human nature to try and duplicate it.
- “Last time it was wonderful. I’m going to do it the same way again!”
- “God answered my prayer when I prayed that way. I’ve found the secret. I’m going to pray like that every time!”
- “It was awesome the last time we did that. So we’ve planned to do it again!”
We do the same thing. We expect the same wonderful result, only to discover that some blessings are so special they can’t be produced – no matter how hard we try.
And when we lose something wonderful (by which we usually mean someone wonderful), it can throw us in an emotional pit.
We Want What We Had
We want what we had, but it’s gone.
“Bill and I understood each other. We could just look at each other and know. How am I ever going to find that again?” Sarah sighed, rolling her eyes.
Sarah’s communication with her spouse was special and unique. Over time, she got used to that marital mental telepathy – where you understand each other without having to say a word.
For example, you remember that look in your loved one’s eyes. That smile. The immediate and intimate understanding. You just knew.
We Need That Heart-Connection
Sometimes that emotional understanding is immediate and almost mysterious. Other times, it’s a skill years, perhaps decades in the making.
Intimate heart-connection is wonderful to have and awful to lose.
The people you’ve lost were each one-of-a-kind. What you had was unique and special. You may find such understanding again, but it will be different.
Here’s a related grief affirmation:
“We were so good, I want that again. But I know it will be different.”
We miss what was good. The love we experience in relationships is unique to that relationship. No other love will be exactly like it.
But there is still good out there for you. It may not be in the same form and may not come in the same way. It will be its own unique blessing.
Keep Your Eyes Open
Appreciate the goodness of the past. You won’t be able to duplicate it. But keep your eyes open for good coming down the road ahead.
You will see it when you’re ready.
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. – Proverbs 23:18
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (Amazon Bestseller, USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist)
Gary Roe has been a campus minister, church-planter in Japan, and pastor in Texas and Washington. He currently serves as a writer, speaker and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley in Central Texas.
He is the author of four books, including Heartbroken (Amazon Bestseller, 2015 National Indie Excellence Award Finalist) and Not Quite Healed (co-authored with New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey, 2013 Lime Award Finalist for Excellence in Non-Fiction). With more than 250 articles in print, he is a popular speaker at a wide variety of venues.
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